Finding Leadership through Self-Confidence

Over my twenty years of experience on both the retailer and wholesaler sides of business, I’ve had several bosses that affected who I am as a leader. You’ll notice that I use the term boss versus leader. In my mind, there is a clear difference between the two. Leaders push, motivate, and encourage their people, whereas bosses are just there.

Over 95 percent of my bosses have been men. I say this only as a reference point. There is nothing wrong with a male boss unless they don’t lead. My first boss told me that I would never be as good as my male counterparts and always had negative things to say. Even though our relationship was difficult, today I realize that he indirectly pushed me to be the hard-working person I am today. Several years later, I met a leader, who noticed my hard work, pushed me to be better, and had my back. To this day, this man has turned from a leader to a mentor to a sponsor and is now a close friend. What I’ve learned from all my bosses and leaders is to value yourself and those that work with you. If no one else will speak for you then you should be comfortable and confident in speaking for yourself. Don’t focus on the negative. Instead, focus on the positive. Sometimes you might have to dig a little deeper to find the positive.

A perfect example of looking for the positive was when I was laid off. Never in a million years did I think that it would happen to me. It took me almost a year to find a new career. In that year, I experienced anger and sadness and felt completely torn down. In my mind, I was a failure. One day, I just woke up, told myself I was better, and that this too shall pass. I went back to school and started looking for jobs. I looked at myself and asked, “how should I change?” In the long run, it probably needed to happen. I’m a better person, friend, mom, wife, and leader today because of it.

I had been with Southern Glazer's Wine and Spirits for almost five years. In that time, I have felt empowered, motivated, and encouraged to do my job. The atmosphere that I work in is one of encouragement, sincerity, and strength. I work with some of the best leaders in the industry, both men and women. It feels amazing to be a part of a company that wants to change the norms. Because of their drive to change the norm, I was nominated to be a part of the Women in Leadership program at Columbia Business School Executive Education. I feel truly lucky to be among leaders who push, encourage, support, and celebrate me.

The Women in Leadership program proved that the choices I make when I go to work each day are working. That I’m not alone in my industry or anywhere for that matter. That we as women don’t need to go at it alone. There are allies around every corner, we just need to reach out to find them. Some of the key things that stuck with me are:

• Feedback is critical, but don’t assume people want your perspective. Make sure to ask if someone is open to feedback. Positive feedback is great, but critical feedback is just as important. It can only make us better not hurt us.
• Who is in your corner? Who is a leader or architect that guides you down a path? Who is a sponsor that speaks up for you when you’re not there?
• Don’t be afraid to make your voice heard. Find an ally, whether they’re male or female to support you in a room. Be comfortable in speaking up, being passionate, and displaying confidence. An ally can give praise, applaud you, and encourage you.

Finally, don’t be afraid to say no. We should all be saying no as much as we say yes. It shows that we can balance.

Merilee is the director of Chains for Southern Glazer's Wine and Spirits in Bellevue, Washington and has over 20 years of experience within the retail and distributor world. She has managed retail accounts ranging from drug channel to grocery and has created chain-specific programs, both as a distributor and as a buyer. She is passionate about the beverage industry and enjoys working with people that challenge and encourage her to become better.